awoke and found myself
lying on a wooden floor
thought this had come to an end
I won't be shattered anymore
but the floor slipped to the walls
and had me crashing down again

so I left the house
halfway to the bus stop
i forgot my pen
so I went home
so I left the house
halfway to the bus stop
i forgot my schedule

one level down, another round,
one battle lost, when will I reach the final ground?
one level down, what have I found?
time and again I’m lying shattered on the ground

so I get on the bus
they increased the price
screaming at mexicans for a nickle
and they just sat there staring at me
i'm halfway to school
i read a letter I recieved in the mail
my financial aid didn't make the deadline
my registration is cancelled

where did I fail, did I go wrong?
there is no crime I could confess
I just keep tossing floor to floor -
this must be purgatory's taste
and as I fall I’m crying out "I do surrender"
I know there is no end, no soil will ever hold me safe

i fail @ life.

[

mood

|

tired

]

what the hell compelled me to stay up this late? c. went to bed then.. i should have too.. but i stayed up playing morrowind all night and now i'm sitting here like a sausage at 5:30 in the morning, tired but it's too late to go to sleep and I have a few things to do today. ;/

then again three hours is better than none, and i can still do what i have to.. i guess.. i dunno, i'm tired and i don't really waste my time making sense when i'm tired.

Maybe I can find a job today. :/

[

mood

|

pensive

]

i'm so exhausted. i said i was gonna go to bed after c. went but i forced myself to stay up a little while longer. i have so much crap to do today. visit dad @ the crypt, bring mum's computer in to be fixed & look for a job. i have a muy muy important trip coming up in the near future and some bling will be necessary to its success. i just hate the fact that once i'm working my ability to travel will be severely limited. worth it? for once in a long, long time yes. it is.

i just can't wait until one day distance is merely a matter of across the room.

[

mood

|

indescribable

]

Go forth and enlighten yourselves.

my brain is still trying to sort through so many different things. sifting through years of abandoned feelings and thoughts and memories of what 'caring' used to be like. Imagine a full hard drive but you only use 1% of it and one day you click a folder and access the entire thing. all at once. years worth of stored data and information you need to refamiliarize yourself with. processes you need to relearn from scratch. despite the unfimiliarity it's fun. you enjoy it. you're just hoping you don't hit a wrong button and fuck everything up.

that's my brain.

[

mood

|

chipper

]

My stupid image hosting site is down for maintenance.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR MONITOR [or my lj].

The sextacular bg image will be back within a few days.

Until then, enjoy the gray. :)

[real, kind of longish post forthcoming as soon as I finish waking up].

STAY TUNED!!

[

mood

|

blah

]

I used to sleep all the time. It was the one thing I look forward to at the end of a long day.

Now I never sleep.

Or, should I say, I never sleep peacefully.

It's a broken painful process that brings over me a sense of dread when I can't keep my eyes open any more.

The only way it's tolerable anymore is if I stay awake for a day or two and just pass out from sheer exhaustion.

I have my placement tests in 8 & 1/2 hours and I've been up since yesterday afternoon.

I am so completely fucked up right now.

And not in a fun way.

I DON'T NEED TA KILL ANYONE!

I THINK IT!!

Okay, it has come to my attention that I only know like, 3 people on my actual 'friends' list. Dur hur hur.

I need more completely random strangers I'll never talk to, so go find them for me.

I wanna see results, you commie bastards.

Seriously, I'll tell you all the actual things that I do.. >.>

Like the thing with the goat and ehh... :x

[

mood

|

mellow

]

Tuesday
11a-11:50a: Environmental Issues & Alternatives
12p-12:50p: Civ. I
1p-2:50p: Creative Writing

Wednesday
11a-11:50a: Environmental Issues & Alternatives
12p-1:50p: Civ. I
2p-2:50p: Creative Writing

Thursday
11a-11:50a: Environmental Issues & Alternatives
4p-7p: Literature & Film

I have to take the Environment class because it was one of the only mandatory first year classes left (unless I wanted to take Africa & African Americans o_O). I'm guessing Thursday will probably be when I go to the radio station since I have a huge gap between classes.

On an unrelated topic; I find it unfair that I can't.. oh, say.. murder someone I caught raping someone else. Then again, I don't have any law classes, so what do I know? Meh. I just wanna kill ONE PERSON VIGILANTE STYLE AND HAVE THE FEDS BE COOL WITH IT! Is that so much to ask for? ;/

[

mood

|

annoyed

]

Me:
My Post-Nasal Drip has been a nightmare this summer and the biggest problem I've been having is when I try to fall asleep. I can (more or less) be fine all day but usually within 10-20 minutes of falling asleep, I wake up in a panic because I'm having trouble breathing.

It's pretty much gotten to a point where I don't sleep unless I've been awake so long that my body just shuts down as soon as I hit a bed, otherwise I start bracing myself for sleeping problems, a panic attack ensues and it happens again.

I'm getting some medication for it later today but I still haven't slept. Aside from keeping a bottle of water nearby when I feel my airways getting blocked up, anyone have a similar problem and perhaps some advice on what I might be able to do to sleep easier?
 
Today, 01:17 PM    #2 

Response #1:
Member  Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 6,300
 

I bet none of the people in the forums are doctors so they cannot exactly tell you whats wrong. Go to a doctor.
 
Today, 01:18 PM    #3 

Me:
Member  Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,107 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ******
I bet none of the people in the forums are doctors so they cannot exactly tell you whats wrong. Go to a doctor.


I know what's wrong. What I'm asking is if anyone HAD this problem (or a similar one) what they might've done to help them breathe easier while they slept.
 
Today, 01:38 PM    #4 

Response #2: 
Member  Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,813 

simple solution: Cut off your nose.[/joking]

go to a doctor.

[

mood

|

cranky

]

Just so you know, my new email address is fullofdecay@verizon.net.

Make a note of it, fuckheads.

[

mood

|

drained

]

I don't. All day I stare at something and remember when I used to close my eyes and have hours and hours of uninterrupted bliss. Maybe after next week things will change. I cannot wait until the summer is over. I used to love it, revel in the heat, now I keep two fans and my air conditioner on high.. my room is about 20 degrees. I have these weird attacks if I try to sleep in anything warmer. I'll be getting back to so many things soon. I can't wait. Starting September 2nd, I'll be doing shows again. It's been, what, seven or eight years now? I'm a little rusty but it's like riding a bike. You never forget.

Tell me if you'd like to hear something and I'll play it.

You won't hear it but I'll do it.

I promise to record them sometimes and upload them. DSL line is coming today. Yay~

Gotta go pick up my class schedule next Monday, ehh.. wanna test out of all my English classes. I can finally start looking for a job again.

Maybe I can even sleep again.